Today I’m sharing with you the beautiful words of one of my clients in recovery, Haven. I hope the feelings and emotions of her recovery poem flow through the screen as they did in her handwritten journal. Thank you so much for your wonderful art, Haven!
There are many reasons I want recovery
It’s not hard to see when you feel strong and in your power
It’s the trying times
The times where you can barely see the light of day
Or even more than that
Want to see it at all
Those are the times where your recovery is tested
Through fire and ice
Hurricanes and tsunami
Waves of feelings
Swirling around
Lifting you up
And throwing you down
Like you’re just another plastic can going in the recycling bin
Ready to be reduced and reused
As another element of society
The underground
Where no one goes
The dark
Cold
Empty
Sewer
Filled with rats and poison
Although the poison looks the way food looks
So it’s confusing
Tricky
Mind-boggling
You have to wait
Be patient
To see what happens once the rat takes it
If he lives
Carry on
If he dies
Have a funeral
There’s really only two options
Life is fragile
With or without an eating disorder
So which is it gonna be?
To carry on
Or die
It’s a sad reality
Or a hopeful one
It’s all about perception
Life gets messy
And complex
In our minds
Only in our minds though
We spin it around
Touch the ground
Jump up and down
To impress the clown
Of society
Whomever that is
If not just a whole entity
So speak now
Act now
From peace
Not hate
Towards oneself or others
For life is not meant to be lived through war
It’s meant to be lived through the eyes of a child
Beginner’s mind
Always something new and interesting
To explore
Don’t hesitate
Or repress yourself
And don’t drown in the whitewash
It’s merely the aftermath
Not even the climax
If you can wait
And be patient
You’ll see which rat gets the poison
And who survives
Because there will always be survivors
That you can depend on
As well as victims
Those are there too
But you can’t depend on them
For they can’t even depend on themselves
And one who can’t put one’s oxygen mask on first
Is no use to the rest of us
We have to be kind to ourselves
And then that will extend to kindness around the world
Trust that the answers live inside of you
In a tiny little box
In your heart
In which your soul has the key
And your brain has the code
To remind your body that the soul will never forget the key
The brain just needs to be trained
It’s an excellent student
Always keen
And ready to learn
Sometimes it just needs a break
In which the heart can allow it time to recharge
Restore
Rebalance
We have all of that
And more
Within us
We are all free
Our memories are our branches
Our emotions are the leaves
Swaying in the wind
Our thoughts are the weather
Blowing wind
Or rain through the air
Giving us sunshine
Or thunderstorms
But we are
The core of this beautiful magnificent tree
And we are the deciders
Of which fruit we grow.
-Haven Sadler
I so so so appreciate your words, Haven. I hope you and any other person fighting for recovery know that while some days may feel worse than others, you will feel so much better once you’re free of your eating disorder.
For more recovery poetry, recovery poem inspiration, you can find Haven on Instagram @safehaven1017.
